On International Women’s Day, I want to celebrate the life of a brilliant woman and dear friend of mine. By sharing a piece of writing that I wrote a few weeks’ ago – on the morning of her funeral – I hope that other people will understand how loved she was, and always will be.

Dear Beth,

I’ve been wanting and trying to write this to you for a few weeks, but every time I have put pen to paper I have been overcome with grief and been unable to continue. But today, on the day of your funeral, I know I need to be strong and find the words I have been trying to say.

First and foremost, thank you for being my friend. You were there for me through good times and bad. You were there for the tears and the laughter – and there have been many moments of both.

I remember the first time that we met – I was a supply teacher and you taught at an inner city school. I was covering your class for the afternoon. I was newly qualified and inexperienced, and I was embarrassed when I had to seek your help when a fight broke out between two 8 year olds. I swore never to go back to that school but somehow ended up accepting a two-term maternity cover there! Thankfully I had you as a mentor, and you stopped me from going insane!
And from there our friendship grew. When I left the school at the end of the maternity cover, our friendship continued.

A few years later you and Shawn opened up your home to me when I needed somewhere to live. I was lost and falling apart, and you welcomed me with open arms and supported me after a very difficult experience. I slowly began to recover surrounded by your friendship and love – through your laughter and your chatter; through your understanding and your care; and through Shawn’s delicious home-cooked food and home made wine!

Somehow you survived the experience of having me stay in your home, and even went on to invite me on holiday with the both of you the following year. And what a great holiday that was!

So many memories, so many magical moments…and so many photos! I can’t help but smile as I look back at the photos and see your smile bursting out from them. I’ll never forget how we posed with our newly purchased umbrellas as Shawn conducted a mini photoshoot for us! Who knows what the locals in Dusseldorf must have thought of us!

You always encouraged my love of taking photos, and you loved taking them too. You even let me document your trip to the hairdresser in 2014 when you had about 30cms of your hair cut off! The outing continued with a trip to a cafe for milkshakes, cake and – of course – more photos!

From birthday celebrations and bbqs, to karaoke singalongs; from work leaving drinks to tea and cake; from Eurovision parties to holidays – you have been such an important part of my life.

I can’t bear the thought of not seeing you again. It’s not fair! I feel like a toddler throwing a tantrum and I want to stamp my feet and scream out loud. IT’S NOT FAIR!!

It was so good to see you a few months’ ago for your birthday. In your own words though, you were happy yet stressed at the same time. You were struggling with a few things but were starting to feel a bit more positive as you were focused on trying to improve things and get better. I’m just so heartbroken that you weren’t able to continue with that recovery.
As I left your house at the end of our evening together, I had no idea that that would be the last time I would see you. I wish I had stayed longer, I wish I had hugged you harder, I wish I had told you how much you mean to me.

My last text message to you was in response to an update from you. My message said ‘So pleased! I’ll reply more later.’ But I never did. I never had the chance – you passed away the next day.

When I heard the news, I sank to my knees, curled up in a ball, and I wailed and I sobbed. It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t be happening. Not to Beth. Not my Beth.

Even now, 7 weeks’ later, it doesn’t seem real. I can’t quite comprehend that I won’t see you again; I won’t come over to your house for a catch-up and a gossip, I won’t get to share vegan treats and snacks with you; I won’t be able to share a joke or a moan with you; I won’t be able to be with you and enjoy our company together.

Thoughts of you fill many moments of my days. I know I shouldn’t dwell on the past but I want to keep you in my mind, so I will treasure those memories instead.

You are one of my closest friends and I will always cherish the time I had with you. I am honoured to have been part of your life. The freedom of our friendship allowed me to be open and honest with you – I always knew that I could tell you anything and contact you at any time. I hope that you felt this way too.

Beth, you will always be in my heart. Thank you for being my friend.

International Women’s Day may have been a few days ago but it’s never too late to tell someone what an inspiration they are to you. So Cat – my wonderful sister – this is for you.

You have always been an older sister who I can look up to.

When we were children you would play with me and look out for me. I remember once when you agreed to ‘play barbies’ with me even though you’d out-grown them and would much rather have been reading magazines on your own.

As I teenager, I remember how you told a girl off on the school bus who had called me names. We may have argued and fallen out at times (after all, I was a typical annoying little sister!), but you wouldn’t put up with anyone else being mean to me.

As an adult, you were there for me when I had relationship and career difficulties which resulted in a really tough time in my life. Your encouragement and kind words meant so much to me.

And now, even when every day is such a struggle for you as you are in constant agony from intense back pain, you make such a difference in so many people’s lives.

You are an amazing, caring and compassionate vet who has helped so many pets and owners.

Even with all that you are having to cope with, you continue to volunteer at Project Antifreeze, bringing help and hope to the homeless.

In the words of one of your friends, you are a ‘remarkable, kind, brave and selfless’ friend, sister, daughter, girlfriend, niece, colleague and dog-owner.

You really are such an inspiration to me and I am so proud to be able to call you my big sister. I love you so much and I always will.

This started off as a ‘New Year, New Me’ kind of post, in which I listed all of the things I wanted to achieve this year and all of the things that I wanted to change about myself. But then I started to look at those areas more closely and I realised that I didn’t want a new me. I like me. I just want a better, slightly more grown-up, adult version of me (without losing my silly moments – is that possible?).

Yes, there are areas of my life that I want to focus on and goals that I would like to achieve, but I don’t want to change the core and heart of who I am. I’ve come to realise that I’m actually okay with who I am. I’m never going to be the prettiest, the cleverest, the slimmest, the funniest or the most talented, but that’s okay. I’m never going to be one of life’s great achievers, but that’s okay too.  In the words of the brilliant Sarah Millican:

‘Your life doesn’t need to be perfect; you don’t need to look a certain way to be happy. You don’t need to be amazing at everything all of the time. But I try my best and I try to be champion. Champion is Geordie for good or alright.’

And you know what? I am good. I am alright.

Instead of new year’s resolutions, a couple of good friends of mine tend to choose a word for the year instead. A positive word. A word to focus on. And I like that idea – something that is more open and less strict than specific resolutions. I’m terrible at making decisions though and I couldn’t decide on one word so I chose two (with a bit of helpful alliteration!) – Confidence and Kindness.

* Confidence 

It’s time that I had more confidence in myself and my abilities. I so often define myself by what I haven’t achieved and by what I have failed at, and it’s time that I stopped that. I used to be a teacher and I need to stop seeing that as a failed career and start seeing it just as a change of job, and maybe that will give me more confidence in my abilities both at work and at home. I need to accept that there will be times when I don’t succeed in the way that I was hoping, but that isn’t necessarily failure. So I just need to take a deep breath, dust myself off and move on.

If I think back to this time 5 years ago, my life has changed in so many ways and I’m not the person I was back then. And I wouldn’t want to be either. I’m in a much better place (literally and metaphorically). I’m also a lot more independent than I used to be too – although I need to remind myself of this sometimes. I need to take the confidence that I know I have deep inside me, and channel it into my personal and professional life. I need to be more confident in being me, warts and all. And, once again, in the words of Sarah Millican, ‘Be you in everything you do’.

* Kindness

I am very guilty of becoming rather self-involved and selfish at times, not intentionally but still in a thoughtless way. It’s so easy, especially in today’s society, to focus too much on ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong believer in self-care and in looking after yourself but this doesn’t need to be at the detriment of others. 

On a regular basis I see friends and family members showing kindness to myself and others in many different ways; whether it’s holding the door open for someone, being polite and friendly to strangers, asking how someone is (and caring about the answer), giving compliments, choosing meaningful gifts, spending time with someone, giving time to those less fortunate, or helping out at charities and churches. I feel very honoured and lucky to have such people in my life. I want to be more like them so I will try to be kinder and more thoughtful in the things I do and the decisions I make. You never know what someone is going through, and a bit of kindness can go a long way.

So, I’m going to focus on those two words, confidence and kindess, in my day to day life and decisions whilst continuing to be me – but hopefully a slightly better version.

*****

P.S: I thought it would be fitting to start writing this blog again at this time of year as I do miss writing nonsense (it makes a change from just thinking and saying nonsense). So thank you to my lovely sister for encouraging me to write again.

Oh, and the drawing at the top of the page bears no relation to this post at all, I just found it in a old suitcase of items from my childhood and it made me smile.

I read this quote this morning by Frida Khalo and it made me smile. I do worry that as a person I’m a little bit odd and strange, but maybe that’s ok.

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”

Thanks Frida for making it ok to be strange.

Okay, so it’s that time of year again. The start of a brand spanking new year.
To quote my favourite red-headed protagonist Anne Shirley, “Tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it”. 

I like to think this way about the start of a new year as well as the start of a new day. It is an opportunity to start writing the next chapter in your life, on a clean sheet of paper, with no scribbles or crossings-outs. (Please note that my favourite red-head in general is of course my lovely Mum!)

It is also the time of year for those dreaded new year’s resolutions! Even though I have a set of personal targets for this year, which if my track record is anything to go by, won’t make it past the beginning of February, I thought it might be nice to make a list of things I would like to do or enjoy during the next 12 months. This list is a lot more fun than the first one! So here we go…

Stay in if I want to
As I’ve been getting older I have come to realise that much pleasure can be taken from a quiet night in. In fact, it is very rare these days that my night is neither quiet or ‘in’. That doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy going out and seeing people though. I just mean that I need to learn to not be embarrassed about wanting to stay at home.

Make sushi with my sister
Ok, so this is maybe a bit of a cheat suggestion as we have a sushi-making session booked for late January, but this idea is more about what it represents. This may sound quite contradictory considering that I have only just mentioned that I enjoy staying in, but I would quite like to experience new things, like sushi making. I don’t think I would like to sign up to classes which require me to attend for a prolonged period of time as I get bored of things quite easily, but attending one-off events would be of interest to me. This idea also represents making plans to see my lovely sister more, and this leads me nicely onto my next suggestion.

Keep in closer contact with relatives and close friends
I can be a total nightmare at staying in touch with those people that I care about. I want 2015 to be the year when making contact with people and staying in touch comes more naturally to me.

Invite friends over
Linking to an above idea, staying in doesn’t mean not having to see people. Now that I am settled in a place I call home, it would be nice to invite friends over for tea and cake, or even a meal. Unfortunately I am not very good at cooking or even being a hostess, so such events could potentially be disasterous (imagine the Miranda version of a dinner party!). But I guess my friends know me, understand that neither organisation or cooking are one of my greatest skills, and they still love me for who I am. Thankfully!

Write letters
As I’ve mentioned before, I love receiving hand-written letters in the post. But in the same way I should write letters to other people. The idea of sharing thoughts with friends in a way which doesn’t require an immediate response is a rather nice one!

Walk around my local area
The reason for this suggestion is two-fold. Firstly, even though I know it quite well, I would still like to explore my local area a lot more and find some local hidden gems. I’ll take my camera out with me and snap away at whatever takes my fancy. Also, I need to get out more and exercise. Of course I intend to do more focused exercise (reference to the other boring list of resolutions mentioned in paragraph 2), but I am sure that just getting out and about more will benefit me. Also, I won’t view this as exercise which is a bonus and will mean I am more likely to stick to it!

Visit more local places
Even though I have lived in Leicester in total for over 20 years, there are still many places i would like to visit / re-visit, and things I’d like to do.  After a bit of a Google search, here are a few of them:
Phoenix Arts Centre, Curve, New Walk Museum and their behind-the-scenes tour, Richard III visitor centre, the Secret tea rooms in Clarendon Park, the Victorian textile factory, the walking tour of stoneygate, the Town Hall tour, Towers hospital, local beer festivals and the Riverside festival in the summer. Maybe in future blog posts I’ll be able to tell you about my visits. If you know of any other fun or interesting things to do in Leicester, please let me know!

Care less about what people think of me
This is something that I have been working on for some time but it is also something that I still struggle with. In one way I fuss less about the opinions of others these days, but in another way I still want to be liked. I hate the thought of people thinking badly of me. I would like to continue to become more comfortable with who I am as a person, and accept myself regardless of what other people – who don’t know me or care about me – think of me.

Make my friends and family proud of me
There are things that I have done in the distant and not-so-distant past that I am not proud of. Whilst I become more comfortable with who I am, I also need to become more aware of other people’s feelings and needs. Maybe becoming more intune to this will help me to be less of a disaster at times, and become someone that my friends and family feel that they can be really proud to know.

As the sun sets on the first day of 2015, I wonder what the coming year might hold for me. The last couple of years have had their ups and downs, but as they say;
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.

I like where I live. I like Leicester. I admit that it wouldn’t factor anywhere on a list of England’s prettiest areas but after all beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I think there are some beautiful areas of Leicester. There are also a number of less desirable areas but every city has places like that.

I was thinking this weekend about how perfect Leicester is for me. I like the hustle and bustle of a city so it gives me that. But as a city it is still small enough so that I don’t feel lost and overwhelmed in it. It is easy to walk from one side of the city centre to the other. I am very lucky that I live in a lovely area on the outskirts of the town. My flat is less than a mile’s walk to work and about 2 miles into the centre. I have to admit that I don’t walk into town very often though, so it is lucky that there is a good public transport system in Leicester. (I may not always think it is good, especially when it is raining and I’m running late, but compared to many areas of the country, we have a good bus service). And if you do drive, you don’t have to travel far out of Leicester to reach the countryside.

Even though I lived in Dorset during my teenage years, as I was born in Leicester and lived here until I was 10 and then came back here for University,  I can safely say that I am a Leicester girl born and bred. You may wonder why I’m commenting on the beauty of Leicester when I’ve lived in Dorset, and you’re right, there is no comparison between the two. Dorset is classically beautiful and a wonderful place to live, but Leicester has its quirks, and that’s what I like about it.

So, here are a number of images that help to create a definition of My Leicester. They are in no particular order and are in no way the only things in Leicester that I like. But I hope it gives you an idea of what Leicester means to me.

The idea for this blog came about when I was talking to my sister over the weekend. We were discussing how we are beginning to care less and less about what people think. I mean this in a good way. It got me thinking about how our attitude to what people think about us can change throughout our life.

When I was at school, I was the opposite of a ‘cool kid’ but I still cared about what people thought of me. I’m not sure that I fitted into any of the stereotypical categories. I wasn’t cool, geeky, sporty or a goth I was just me. I had a good group of friends and that’s what mattered. But everyone was fully aware of who the ‘cool kids’ were. I knew I’d never be one of them but I still cared about what they thought of me and I didn’t want them to think that I was a complete idiot.

When I moved into the Sixth Form, even though many of the former ‘cool kids’ left the school (read into that what you will!), there was a new group of teenagers from Weymouth who started and they took over the ‘cool’ position. Again, I was still at the stage where it really mattered what other people thought of me. I would be upset if someone didn’t like me.

I’m not quite sure at what stage I began to care less about the opinions of others, it was probably quite a gradual process. Don’t get me wrong, I care about what my family and friends think about me but that’s probably about as far as it goes. Of course I’d like people to think well of me and to consider me to be a good person, but if they don’t there isn’t a lot I can do about it. I’ve come to the realisation that in life not everyone will like you, and that’s ok. As long as I have my family and a group of friends who love me for who I am, then that is all that should matter.

I live in my own little world a lot of the time and if I’m honest with myself, I’m probably a bit odd. But that’s ok! I accept that. I am who I am. That reminds me of a song I like by Gloria Gaynor.

‘I am what I am, I am my own special creation.
So come take a look, give me the hook or the ovation.
It’s my world that I want to have a little pride in,
My world and it’s not a place I have to hide in …
Life’s not worth a damn ’til you can say: I am what I am.’

It goes on to say ‘I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses’. I really like that line. That’s not to say that there aren’t things in my life that I’ve had to apologise for. Sadly there are many. There are also a number of things I’ve done that I’m not proud of.  But all I can do is learn from my mistakes and try to be a better person. I like it because it reminds me that it is ok to be silly, crazy old me.

There was a time when I would worry when I met new people that they wouldn’t like me or they’d think I was strange. I would worry about how I looked or the clothes I was wearing.

I was never really one for fashion but I still cared about wearing the right clothes to fit in. As I’ve got older I pay even less attention to fashion! I buy and wear what I like, and this is normally due to it feeling comfortable rather than it looking good!

Building on from my thoughts the other week about getting old and ‘wearing purple’, I’ve thought of a few things that I do or might start doing (I’ll leave it up to you to guess which ones fit into which category!).

* Sing along to my mp3 player, not worrying whether it is in my head or out-loud
* Take silly selfies with statues
* Roar like a lion when stretching as it is so much more satisfying
* Blow bubbles when drinking out of a straw
* Dance around my flat to S Club 7
* Wear clothes and patterns that clash
* Buy a piece of cake if I want to without worrying that I’ll be judged for being fat and greedy
* Kick through the Autumn leaves like a child
* Ride up and down the paternoster at Leicester University (Google it!)
* Gallop down the road if and when it takes my fancy

Can you think of any others I could add to my list?

I don’t know about you but I constantly have songs racing around my head. Some of them might be there for a reason, for example I might have heard a song on the radio, but others just seem to pop out of nowhere.

As pathetic and uninteresting as this might sound, I started to jot down what songs I was singing in my head. So here is a diary of a day in the life of Becky… in song.

Good Morning – Singing In The Rain

This was in my head as I jumped out of bed this morning. Well okay, maybe I didn’t jump. It was possibly more of a roll out of bed and stagger to the bathroom. But I was soon smiling, internally anyway, even though my face still looked like I hadn’t slept for weeks.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GB2yiIoEtXw

…..

Push The Button – Sugababes

This genuinely came into my head as I pushed the button at the pedestrian crossing on the main road. Sad but true. I started to sing this a few weeks ago as I pushed the button at the same crossing, so I think my brain will continue to drag this song up at that moment for quite some time to come.

…..

Memories – Cats

As I got off the bus into the chilly weather outside, I walked past a man smoking a cigarette. It’s not particularly linked but phrases from Preludes came into my head, which then led onto lyrics of Memories from Cats.

 ‘The burnt-out ends of smoky days.

And now a gusty shower wraps

The grimy scraps

Of withered leaves about your feet

And newspapers from vacant lots’

~~~~~

‘Burnt out ends of smoky days

The stale, cold smell of morning

The streetlamp dies

Another night is over

Another day is dawning.’

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-L6rEm0rnY

…..

Mahna Mahna – The Muppets

Yes, you read that right. My colleague has this as her ringtone, so when her phone started to ring in the office, it implanted this tune into my head for quite some time. It’s so catchy in fact that just by writing about it now, I have it going around my head again. I used to have it as a ringtone on my phone too, but I swiftly changed it after an embarrassing moment at a parents’ evening, during which my phone rang and played this tune very loudly whilst I was trying to talk seriously about the behaviour of a child in my class.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuqClmxp_Ng

…..

Chiquitita – Abba

Please don’t groan and clutch your head, but I went to Subway for lunch and I order a chicken tikka salad, so therefore started singing ‘Chicken tikka tell me what’s wrong’!!! I shall say no more on this subject matter.

…..

Beautiful – Christina Aguilera

Thankfully I didn’t have Abba in my head for very long as I was thankfully saved by whatever radio station was on in my local Subway. The beautiful sound of Christina’s voice replaced the previous song so I walked back to work singing to myself about how beautiful I was.

…..

That’s Life – Frank Sinatra

All it took for this to get this song into my head was for my colleague (the same one that had the Muppets ringtone), to say to someone on the phone ‘That’s life’. On this occasion I did actually start singing this song out loud without meaning to. It can’t have been a pleasant experience for anyone within ear-shot. I wouldn’t even wish my singing on my worst enemy.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIiUqfxFttM

…..

Umbrella – Rihanna

As I was leaving work, the same colleague (we chat a lot!) reminded me not to forget my umbrella in the morning as storms were predicted, and so for at least half an hour I had the phrase ‘Under my umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh’ going around my head.  No other lyrics; just that bit, over and over and over again!

…..

As I was checking my emails late that night, another song swam around my mind, but I can’t disclose which one it is as it is linked to my email password! Admittedly all I seem to get these days are junk emails (long gone are the days when it was exciting to get an email), but even so I think I’ll keep that nugget of information to myself.

So, there you have it. A day in the life of Becky…in song! Do you have any particular songs which pop into your head at certain moments?

This blog post is a bit of a cheat as the majority of it was written by someone else, but I just wanted to share with you ONE of my favourite poems (I have many!).

I know many of you will recognise this. It was written by Jenny Joseph in 1932, when she was aged 29.

Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick flowers in other people’s gardens

And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

Or only bread and pickle for a week

And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

And pay our rent and not swear in the street

And set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

It made me think about what sort of an older person I will be. My friend Michelle and I have always talked about still being friends then, and how we’d meet up in Marks and Spencers for a cup of tea (especially as she was the friend who introduced me to the wonderful hot beverage), and then clutch onto each other as we left, each keeping the other one upright. We see older ladies in town and discuss how that will be us one day. I imagine I’ll be quite like I am now, although maybe even more eccentric and quirky!

I’ll be one of those women who tut loudly and complain about ‘the youth of today’ and shake their walking stick at things that don’t please them. Actually, I’m more likely to get a mobility scooter at the first opportunity, and race up and down the road getting in everyone’s way.

Cream cakes will be my indulgence but I’ll be quite happy to share them with anyone who comes around to visit me. As I am now, I imagine I’d be quite happy in my own company but also love to meet up with friends for a chit-chat and catch-up. I hope that I would be caring and kind, and wouldn’t moan too much about my ailments. I’d like to think that I’d have grandchildren who I would spoil rotten.

But in the meantime, I’ll just be happy to be the age that I am. I really hated turning 30 but now I am quite happy to be 31. I feel much more content with who I am as a person than I did in my 20s. I may change my mind as even more wrinkles appear around my eyes and my joints start to ache, but at the moment I don’t mind the thought of getting older.

I’ve been in a bit of a grump this week (apologies to those who had to cope with me). Some reasons for my grumpiness were legitimate (going for an interview but not getting a job that I really wanted) but others were less so (Tesco running out of pots of fresh mango!).

I’ve been through a few ups and downs in the last couple of years, and even though I’m still working through some issues, I’m generally quite content and happy; I currently have a job (although it’s a maternity cover which ends soon, hence my panic!), I live in a lovely flat which feels like home, I live in a great area within walking distance of shops, the park and town, and I have been blessed by a wonderful family and many wonderful friends.

And yet this week I found it hard to shift this dark cloud I felt hanging over my head. This might sound strange but not only did I feel upset, grumpy and down in the dumps, but I felt even more upset and grumpy with myself for feeling that way! It was almost as if by allowing myself to feel down about things, I saw myself as a failure. I took the fact that I was not happy to be a step backwards.

Don’t get me wrong, I have had lots of lovely moments this week; my parents came back from their holiday, I had a delicious meal cooked for me, I met a close friend for a drink and a natter, and I attended another friend’s baby shower.  And yet I wasn’t able to fully shake off the grumpy feeling. It was as if I had a little gremlin sitting on my shoulder and every time I started to enjoy myself and just get lost in the moment, it would poke me and remind me of my grumpiness. Not the best description I know, but I hope you get the gist!

The main reason for my black mood no-longer seemed to be about not getting the job or being tired of writing applications, but seemed to centre more on my disappointment that I had allowed myself to feel so down about things. Even though I knew this was ridiculous, it didn’t change the way I felt.

Yet, as I sit curled up in my duvet on the sofa, having a lazy Sunday afternoon, I’m slowly coming to the realisation that it’s ok to be sad for no apparent reason, it’s ok to have a little cry just because I feel like it, and it’s ok not to be happy all of the time. None of those things make me a failure. None of these things mean that I taking a step backwards or that I can’t cope. They are just a part of life and they happen to everyone.

And somehow just by understanding that, I already feel happier and my mood is lighter.

Hopefully I’ll learn my lesson and when I have a down-in-the-dumps moment in future, I won’t let it stress me out and overwhelm me. Instead I’ll accept it for what it is: a moment that will pass and will soon be forgotten.

Hopefully.

P.S: I popped into Sainsburys’ earlier and found a pot of mango. Happiness is fully restored!